Now that I was told there was a mass that may need to be removed in my pelvis, I went to find a specialist! I thought they were supposed have all the knowledge about my issues, boy was I wrong. Now after years of specialist, I’ve learned that I am the specialist when it comes to my body. Perhaps I should’ve studied women’s health because I quickly had to develop as much terminology and knowledge about my reproductive organs and how they work intricately.
I quickly found a gynecologist who had me come in for a Transvaginal ultrasound. If you don’t know what that is, just think Pap smear on steroids! I had no idea what it was at the time I just heard ultrasound at the end and thought it’d be quick and painless. My instructions were to Drink 32 ounces of any liquid one hour before your examination time. Try to drink all the liquid within 30 minutes. Do Not urinate before your exam . Arrive for your exam with a full bladder.
Someone didn’t tell them that I had a weak bladder! I was filled with so much anxiety about doing this right and setting my mind on getting whatever this mass was in my pelvis out. I think I drank more than 32 ounces that morning. I was ready to hit the road and get to my appointment. It was around February so it was very cold outside. One of the coldest months if you’d ask me, a life long anemic! I began driving to my appointment and man was it the longest drive ever! I felt my bladder begin to cringe as the water settled in my body. My pants were getting tighter and my legs even began shaking. I don’t know what it is, but it seems like every traffic light catches me when I’m in a hurry. I started pulling my seatbelt away from my belly because I just knew the pressure would push it right out! I unzipped my pants because it was just too much. All I could think about was, “I’m about to mess this up!”, “I’m gonna pee my pants”. When I finally arrived, I was shivering and in so much pain. I just needed a little relief, so I ran to the restroom and said ‘I gotta let some of this out” I found a bathroom and tried not to completely let go, but oh what a relief it was!
I wanted to empty out completely, but I had to suck it up and get to the waiting room! The pressure quickly came back as I checked in and waited for my doctor. When they finally called me back they said “we’ll do the ultrasound over your stomach first, and let you relieve yourself before we do the Transvaginal ultrasound”. I was ready to get it over with so I quickly jumped on the table pulled my shirt up and my pants were already unzipped! She moved the monitor around and kept saying sorry because I was so uncomfortable. I was just imagining myself spraying everywhere, man that was one uncomfortable day!
She was finished and I finally was able to pee, Aaah! I could’ve kept going forever, but there was business to be done. I didn’t know what to expect next but all I knew was the uncomfortable part was done.
She asked me if I’d ever had this done before and I said, “no”. She explained what she was going to do with the camera wand and I wasn’t sure how to feel. I never was comfortable during those lady exams and now this. Laying there on that table, I felt for the first time that something must be really wrong with me. That quiet sound as the technician looks around is scary, especially when they aren’t looking at a baby.
She asked me to scoot closer as she moved the wand around. All I could think was “I hope I never have to do this again!”. Anyone who has battled infertility knows that this is what becomes a routine. That quiet sound when it’s just you and the technician, who by the way can’t tell you what they are seeing. Those stirrups and monitor waiting for you to lay there. That lady wand that knows all your business! It’s in no way ideal to experience, but we all know it is very necessary in this journey. And because we are willing to do what ever it takes to get to our goal we will go through this again and again!