Optimism in the Toughest Time!
About 3 days after the ultrasound fiasco my husband and I scheduled to meet with the doctor to tell us what was going on and our next steps. When she entered the room I was stunned at how young she looked, but hey she was a doctor so I figured she’s the expert. She told me that the mass was on my right ovary and it was something called a dermoid cyst and that it would need to be surgically removed via laparoscopic surgery.
NOW I know I just threw some terms out there that you haven’t ever heard. A dermoid cyst is an abnormal growth (teratoma) containing epidermis, hair follicles, and sebaceous glands, derived from residual embryonic cells. Yeah! It scared me to death hearing what that was. “How did I get that”?, she replied, “We don’t know.”, (These are 3 words I hear most on this journey ) “It’s rare and they just develop in different places of the body sometimes.”
A laparoscopic surgery is a non-invasive surgery in which they use very small tools to prevent cutting a person open. Of course I asked if she had ever done this before and she said she’d done it several times before. She informed me of the risks, which included the fact that I could end up losing my right ovary and fallopian tube. And if I did not do the surgery I could have a torsion of my ovary and end up needing an emergency surgery which could turn out worse.
So I took this information and I tried to be optimistic about this, I mean that’s what I thought mature christians did when faced with situations like this. I even remember posting on Facebook about how hard it is to hear bad news from the doctor and that I was going to remain hopeful anyway with the optimistic emoji insert. I think it sparked concern for readers though because I remember my mother in law calling my husband asking “Is everything okay?” I let her know I was worried about losing an ovary. (that was the honest truth, I was terrified).
My husband however was full of optimism, and I thank God that hasn’t changed about him to this day! Although I was nervous I was still on fire for the Lord and I trusted in Him. I mean I had just given my life to the Lord just 2 years prior to all of this. Maybe this is just a little test I have to pass. I belonged to him and whatever problem I had I could count on him to fix it! So I didn’t worry about the outcome, I trusted that it would all work out. I disregarded how young she looked and just trusted that she specialized in this. At this point I just figured this is just one hurdle in front of me until I get to have my baby.
We weighed the pros and cons of the procedure and decided to go ahead with the surgery. I most certainly didn’t want a torsion and have to have an emergency surgery if I just left it in there, but I also didn’t want to wake up with an ovary gone either, potentially! We had scheduled the surgery for sometime in March of 2016.
At this point most of my family were informed about my problem and that I was going to be having surgery to get it fixed, simple Behind the initial optimism, I was very nervous. All I could think was “what if I can’t have kids, God wouldn’t take that away from me would he?” My husband wasn’t worried at all, in fact he thought it’d be funny to prank one of our friends with a fake pregnant belly picture. (For the people in the back, Don’t ever do this!)
I had another friend reach out to me after I posted on Facebook. She started to tell me how she and her husband struggled to have children, but God opened up her womb to have many children. I never said specifically what I was going through, I only mentioned hearing bad news from the doctor. I don’t know how she figured it was related to having children, but the Holy Ghost knew I needed that encouragement at that time. It gave me so much hope hearing what God can do.
I remember going home to Indianapolis that February for my father in law’s 50th birthday party and looking at my sister in law’s new beautiful baby girl and thinking “Please let my surgery go well God, I want a baby too”. Although the doctor assured me that even with one ovary I would still be able to have children, I didn’t want to lose any part of my body. So I asked my husband to pray for me, I knew his faith was stronger than mine. He prayed on his knees every single night until the day of the surgery. My mother and younger brothers came to Ohio to support me for my surgery. I was surrounded with love, family, God, and hope!